Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sue Klebold wrote a remarkable essay for O Mag

The issue of O Magazine is not supposed to be out until Tuesday, but NBC found a copy on sale in LA. They faxed me a copy this evening just before taping an interview for tomorrow's Today Show.

I had to read it fast, but it stopped me cold several times. I good deal of it is about the experience Tom and Sue (Dylan's parents) went through, and it was heartbreaking. It's a must-read for anyone interested in Columbine.

I got one huge insight, I think, though, and for that I'm grateful. Sue talked about Dylan's conflicted and irrational thoughts about suicide and murder, which he kept to himself. Then Sue said, "I believe that Dylan did not want to talk about his thoughts because he was ashamed of having them." God, that fits perfectly with the picture I got of him. And it explains a lot to me about how he managed to make that last step to murder.  I'll expand more on that soon.

Sue will likely take flack for seeing Dylan's actions largely through the lens of suicide--motivated by suicide. I have heard many readers sneer in emails at my events, about Sue "conveniently" thinking in those terms. But those are the same terms the FBI sees it, which I see, it, which nearly everyone who has studied the case sees it.
Dylan's was primarily suicidal. That's what drove he. He followed a familiar patterns of angry depressives, who perform vengeful suicides: killing themselves and taking others with him. To understand Dylan you have to understand suicides. (Eric is a completely different story, of course.)

I think Sue Klebold took a wise tack, speaking mom to mom, to women who may have a teen in crisis or approaching one. O Magazine is a great venue for that, and the way she structured the piece and the candor with which she told it will reach them, I think. I hope they hear her loud and clear. I expect many will. If she accomplishes that, it will be a valuable service.

I will have more to say, but I just got back from the Southern Book Festival Nashville, and have an early morning radio interview and need to get food and sleep. (We set up the interview while I was traveling, and the crew was parked in front of my building when I got home. It was quite the logistical ordeal for them from there, and they will be up late tonight editing. I don't envy the people who work those early morning shows.)

Sue is going to take a beating for the essay in some quarters. But within the Columbine community, but I think and hope it will be a limited number of people. It may be worse with the general public. I will be very curious to see.

I think there is great good that can come from this.

I don't want to infringe on the O Mag copyright by posting it all, but may well be in your grocery store now, or very soon. I'm very curious to hear what you guys think.

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And FYI, the Today Show segment is projected to air in the first hour, probably 7:15/7:20-ish, but breaking news can easily change that. I am taping Michael Smerconish's radio show in the morning, and will let you know when they plan to air it. (I guess their afternoon show.) It's on in most major markets.

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The AP story about the essay has some excerpts released by O Magazine, but they had not yet seen the essay. It fills four pages in the magazine.

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Update:
The Today Show segment is online here. 

Update2 :

I will be on ABC Nightly News w/ Charles Gibson tonight discussing the essay and the situation. We just taped it.
at 10:05 PM

13 comments:

  1. Dave, as I wrote on Facebook, I am glad I have a little insomnia. What Sue says about her son does fit what I know about the "angry depressives," of which Dylan clearly was.

    Of course it was the chance connection of Dylan with a sociopath of Eric Harris' stature that enabled him to lash out and take so many with him.

    I look forward to the article...my first purchase of "O" will be in a few hours.
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  2. I just read the AP piece and the quotes from Ms. Klebold are quite eloquent and touching. The last words she had with her son and the way she feels when she sees children--very powerful.
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  3. I just saw you on Today, and the way they cut you makes it look like you're just brushing it off -- God, my hate relationship with TV news goes back many years! They have you saying that she'll catch heat for this, but they cut you off before you have a chance to explain WHY. And then, afterwards, they almost write her off, saying "I think a lot of people are going to wonder why she couldn't see what was happening." Well, Today, maybe if you told a little more of the story instead of a few sound bites, maybe they wouldn't have to wonder and draw slam bang conclusions.

    Then again, "coverage" like this is the reason your book is relevant. It's the reason Susan Klebold had to write an entire essay rather than answer a multiple choice questionnaire. You can't answer these these HUGE questions in a few sound bites.
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  4. Thank you for your comments on the article. I think you are right on the target, as is she. If more people could see this instead of needing to blame her, maybe more of our kids could be saved from Dylan's fate--and the fate of all those he took with him.
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  5. As a mom of 2 sons who have wrestled with anger issues and suicidal thoughts respectively, I deeply appreciate the strength of Mrs. Klebold in writing about this topic. Her insights will help others. Too often the teens learn to hide their feelings and experiences from their parents until it is too late. Matt Lauer on Today has a lot to learn about the topic. His off hand comment about not being able to see the anger shows the depth of his ignorance on the subject.
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  6. Thanks, everyone.

    The Today piece was unfortunately short, with no time to get into it much. I also wish they could have said why I think Sue will take flack, or why I think that is wrong.

    But maybe airing it will cause people to go searching for more and find it.

    I normally like Matt, but winced at that off-hand comment, too.
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  7. Looks like Klebold is getting flack outright, mainly from the Bernalls (in an interview I just saw on tv), who IMO wrongfully accused her of only thinking in terms of her son as victim of his own suicide and not of others and the damage he did. The Bernalls also lashed out at her for not seeing things and taking steps to prevent her son and Harris from hanging out.

    To me the difference between the Bernalls and her is that the Bernalls got lucky. In their bio of their daughter, who was the victim in the shooting, they did not find out how disturbing she was until the mother read the diary where she had thoughts of killing her parents. What happen if she had the day before did some terrible things, which her parents suggested she was about to go down that path at that point in life?

    So the attacks from the Bernalls come off as very weak there.

    They did state no parents would want to be in their shoes, and that they do feel sorry for them, but because of the essay, they are not feeling so sorry right about now.

    I do understand they are grieving and will never forget what happen to their daughter. But still...

    Klebold took as much responsibility as she could while dealing with what happened in the past the best she could IMO.
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  8. Dave, the ABC News clip is here;
    http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=8812893
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  9. The essay struck me for its lack of surprises. I don't say that by way of judging Mrs. Klebold or feeling disappointed in it. I valued reading her perspective. Hopefully it contributes to her healing, and increases understanding for the rest of us.
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  10. I read Columbine this summer, albeit in fits and starts, it was very hard to read. The essay from Sue Klebold in O Magazine helped me fill in some of the gaps and answered lingering questions for me. I hope Sue does not get negative responses for her esssay. Her experience was her experience and can only be difficult to say the least. I think there is alot we can learn from this story but we have to listen with an open mind even when it is painful to do so.
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  11. Now that the Klebold family has spoken, I really would like to hear from the Harris family.
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  12. What the Harris and Klebold family cope with is tragic--they must mourn the death of their sons while also bearing shame and grief for the death and injuries, brought on by their son's actions.

    Sue Klebold showed courage in writing her essay and displayed wisdom in not letting herself become the center of a media frenzy.
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  13. Mr. Cullen, first let me commend you on your brilliant and powerful book. It is an important work that belongs next to Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood.

    I am glad Sue Klebold chose to speak publicly about her experiences surrounding the loss of her own son. She has the right to grieve and she has the right to speak of that pain. I am very interested in your take on the passage in which she speaks of the van break in. She characterizes Dylan and Eric’s behavior, under each others influence, as impulsive and unscrupulous. While both those statements are true the way she presents them seems to minimize Dylan’s criminal history prior to the massacre. We now know, and she must know as well, that the van break in was hardly an isolated incident, but the culmination of a petty crime spree that Dylan thoroughly enjoyed. Do you see that statement as a sign of denial in regards to the criminal aspects of her son’s behavior, and perhaps his moral make up, or am I reading more into that passage than I should?
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